The Confessions Read online

  * * *

  TIFFANY: As for Nora and Michael, Nora’s basically a sex surrogate in that scene in The Siren, a sex therapist. A teenager recovering from a suicide attempt caused by pain over his sexuality, a sex therapist might be good for him. I won’t say, “It’s good Nora fucked him.” I will say that Michael would say, “I don’t care if YOU think it’s right or wrong, but I needed it.”

  * * *

  CYNDY: Yes. And I never at any point thought he wasn’t in a place where he could give consent. Fully informed and very enthusiastic consent.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I was in the car with my cousin when she was about 15 and we were talking about sex. I said, “Sex is fun.” And she said, “You’re the first adult who ever told me sex was fun.” That breaks my heart.

  * * *

  CYNDY: If anything, the dub-con there [in The Siren] was with Nora, who didn’t have the whole story.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: And again, you are a parent of teenagers and so was at least one of my beta readers. Søren deserved a huge slap in the face for that [dub-con scene]. But that was a dark time for him. To say the least.

  * * *

  CYNDY: What’s so funny to me is that my kids are so much less obsessed with [sex] than I think I was. We were all reading Clan of the Cave Bear for the dirty parts. My kids are like, “Will you please never explain an Angry Dragon again? We’re sorry we asked.”

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I’ve noticed that too.

  * * *

  CYNDY: But speaking of kids...

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Yes...

  * * *

  CYNDY: I did not message you with my nearly automatic swears when I was reading The Queen. But you sort of backgrounded the Søren/Fionn meeting.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I did. I’m evil like that. I just needed that to be in Nora’s POV and I needed to let Kingsley have THAT moment with Søren.

  * * *

  CYNDY: That was a “Here’s Jesus at 12. You won’t see him again for 20 years or so” moment. [This refers to The Gospel According Luke 2:41-53 in which Jesus at age 12 runs away from his parents and is found in the Jerusalem Temple listening to the teachers and asking intelligent questions of them far beyond his years. Readers don’t see Jesus again in the Gospel accounts of his life until he begins his public ministry at about age 30-32.] And if Søren is God...

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Nora is giving Kingsley THE WORLD right then, by letting him introduce Fionn to Søren. And yeah, it is kind of a Jesus in the Temple at 12 moment...so Fionn...I’m dying to write Fionn books. DYING.

  * * *

  But they are still percolating.

  * * *

  90% sure he ends up in the Vienna Boys Choir.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Is he the Messiah, Tiffany?

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I don’t know! I want to know more about Fionn. I have to write the books to know who he is.

  He could be the anti-Christ.

  * * *

  CYNDY: My face right now… I was just explaining the castrati to my 12-year-old, who has a beautiful soprano.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Give him [Anne Rice’s] Cry to Heaven to read.

  * * *

  CYNDY: [cackles] But seriously...how much of that was intentional? I mean, we have God insemination...we have the very patient husband who is pretty much okay that his wife shows up pregnant by some miracle...

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Grace having Søren’s baby was 100% the Messiah story.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Grace/Mary. Zach (who is Jewish, remember?)/Joseph. Søren/God the Father.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Not going to lie here...I’m sort of hoping Fionn is the Messiah of this motley group of characters you’ve written. But more along the line of Reza Aslan’s Jesus than the Christian version.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Yeah, I had too much fun with that. And I love Grace. Just love her. Soon as I started writing her I was wild about her. It was such a joy writing Søren through her eyes. This pure faith she has in him. She just gets him.

  * * *

  I still need to read Reza’s book. But speaking of Aslan [joke], also entirely intentional was the “walking at dawn” scene in The Mistress. In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Lucy and Susan walk with Aslan to his certain death. They keep him company and comfort him in his darkest hour. Grace got to be Søren’s Lucy.

  * * *

  And Fionn is special. I can’t wait to see what he turns into. I know he and Celeste have a very special relationship. They won’t be a romantic couple because that’s too obvious. Maybe more like Jesus and John, the beloved disciple.

  * * *

  CYNDY: John ends up with his head on a plate.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: That’s John the Baptist.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Oh...you’re thinking John the disciple.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: John the Disciple. The one disciple who wasn’t martyred. We think. History is murky.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I was thinking you meant John the Baptist. Especially with that later in life, second-chance thing.

  And they were born around the same time...

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I’m sure I’ll have a John the Baptist if I ever write more of the series. I’d like to but we have to pray my publisher will want them. *fingers crossed*

  * * *

  CYNDY: So on that note...

  * * *

  TIFFANY: True. I could run with that. But I don’t want to chop Celeste’s head off.

  * * *

  CYNDY: You’ve alluded to a possible Søren conversion story, possible Fionn books...

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I have! Yes.

  * * *

  CYNDY: …I need to know about possible King stuff.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Ohhhhh...King. Hmm....good question. I had a reader demand a book about Kingsley when he was working as a spy for France. I do not want to write that.

  * * *

  CYNDY: YES.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: NO. That is too much research.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I have here in my notes “Ask about FFL [French Foreign Legion] King.”

  * * *

  TIFFANY: You just like it when King is shooting his gun.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Because just King fucking his way across the desert a la Lawrence of Arabia would seriously do it for me.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I’m 100% certain I’ll write a Kingsley-centric Original Sinners Christmas novella someday.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I do like when King is shooting his gun. In all respects.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I’ll add that to the idea file.

  * * *

  CYNDY: (sighs) Young Peter O’Toole.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: The thing is...the Sinners are at their best when they’re with each other. Keeping them apart in The Virgin was so hard to write. That was the hardest of all the books to write because the three of them were estranged from each other.

  * * *

  Every scene is more electric when you put two of the UnHoly Trinity in the same room. At least the writing is more electric if not the reading.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I dunno. Sam is one of my favorite characters.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: God, I love Sam too. She’s my dream girl.

  * * *

  CYNDY: And that was just King and Sam for most of that.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: BUT even in The King and loving Sam, my favorite scenes are still the ones between King and Søren.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Always.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: When King calls Søren in the middle of the night and tempts Søren with sex? Favorite scene to write. That and the baptism scene in the swimming pool.

/>   * * *

  CYNDY: But I would read a Sam/King road trip book, too.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: That could be fun. I do want to put all the Sinners on a train. Sort of like [Agatha Christie’s] Murder on the Orient Express but with fucking instead of murder?

  * * *

  CYNDY: If you put them all on a train there WOULD be murder.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: That is a good point. As to the future of the Original Sinners...I would LOVE to write more books but not for a few years. I need the break. Also we’ll have to figure out the logistics. If my publisher doesn’t want to buy more, that makes it much harder for me to write and publish them. But I’m keeping my hopes up.

  * * *

  CYNDY: They need their extracurriculars to keep them from killing each other. And speaking of...what’s up with Nico?

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Nico! Nico was born of necessity. I needed Nora to have SOMEONE to tell the story of her and Søren to and that someone had to be A) invested in that story in some way and B) hadn’t already heard the story. And my editor said The Saint needed more sex so it had to be someone Nora would fuck. Ergo...Nico.

  * * *

  Plus it was about time Nora got the male sub she’d been aching for all her life.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Worth a note to readers about the reality of series drop-off and how important it is to KEEP BUYING THE DAMN BOOKS!

  * * *

  TIFFANY: True. If all the Original Sinners books hit the New York Times bestseller list (none of them did), then I could write them forever. As they didn’t, there may not be more full-length books. But I will at least continue to write the Christmas stories and other random stories time permitting.

  * * *

  CYNDY: If even the LAST one did... (I can shill here, folks, so Tiffany doesn’t have to.)

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I could write Søren forever, though. I just hope I can. I do have bills to pay.

  * * *

  You’re a wonderful pimp, Cyndy.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I prefer to think of it as a hype man.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Word.

  * * *

  I do need to write at least one more book so I can figure out what happens to Søren once he confesses to his Jesuit superiors he’s a daddy.

  * * *

  I’m sure he’ll stay a priest. He will just be a priest in VERY BIG TROUBLE. I’d love to see him in exile and forced to do penance.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Is that happening for real?

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I don’t know. It’s alluded to in The Queen that Søren refuses to keep Fionn a dirty little secret so we know he’s going to out himself.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I’d love to know what his penance in a [Pope] Francis era would be.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: But the consequences of said out-ting, I don’t know...

  * * *

  CYNDY: Oh, that I know, but I mean…are you definitely going to write that? And when? And will you screen share?

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Yeah, Pope Francis is cool. For those who aren’t Catholic, Pope Francis made BIG news when he said that priestly celibacy was a discipline and not so much an order from God. More like fasting instead of like obeying the Commandments. It’s good for you but not necessarily God-ordained of everyone [all priests, for example]. I would love to write that. But I don’t know.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I’m thinking he could go teach at an all-girl school. Maybe that’s what happened to that poor Jesuit who had to teach me for sophomore New Testament.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Oh that poor priest. You as a student? I can’t even.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I identified with Nora on many levels. Only I had zero interest in seducing him. Just annoying him.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Happy to hear that. Nora and I have nothing in common except our senses of humor and hair color. Everyone thinks we’re just the same. We couldn’t be more different. I was a high school goody two shoes. Oh, and we’re both Switches but Kingsley is also a Switch. Sadly no one ever mistakes me for King.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I picture her looking like you. I always get offended when people tweet you pictures of Rachel Weisz or whatever. But not acting like you.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: Rachel Weisz was MY choice to be Nora.

  I wish I looked like Nora!

  * * *

  CYNDY: Again, we have to agree to disagree. ;)

  * * *

  TIFFANY: We can do that.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Although I’m coming around now to a white Kingsley. It only took eight books.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I’ll go on the record here to say I want Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to play Søren. I get asked that ALL the time.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I want an unknown.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I promise if Kingsley were a black man I would not have talked about his huge cock so much. That’s Stereotyping 101!

  * * *

  CYNDY: I have a very distinct idea of him in my head, and I never see anyone who fits it.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: That’s okay. You picture who you want. As long as no one whitewashes Juliette or makes Nora tall.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Neither.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: We short girls have to stick together.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I literally picture you [as Nora].

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I wish! Actually not really.

  * * *

  CYNDY: Which is funny, since I didn’t know what you looked like when I first read the books.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: If I were as sexy as Nora I’d never get any work done.

  * * *

  CYNDY: But I remember when I finally met you in person I was like, “Yup. EXACTLY Nora. Only slightly quieter.”

  * * *

  TIFFANY: As she is a goddess, I’ll take it as a compliment. As long as you call me Tiffany. Someone called me Nora and was offended when I asked to pretty please be called by my actual name. I do have to put my foot down when people start forgetting the books are fiction.

  * * *

  CYNDY: That would be weird.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I know we don’t want them to be...but they are.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I’m kind of glad they are. If they weren’t, I think I’d become a celebrity stalker.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I would certainly move to wherever Søren was pastoring, that’s for sure.

  * * *

  CYNDY: I’d go to that Church. Not sure if I could bring myself to take Communion, but I’d at least go to Mass. And then think about it later. ;)

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I have this vision of the Original Sinners movies (there are no movies in the works by the way) and the very last scene of the very last movie would just be Nora lying on her back in bed after having been fucked and she just says to the camera, “God, I love being Catholic.”

  * * *

  CYNDY: There would have to be a lot of fourth wall stuff.

  * * *

  TIFFANY: I think if there were more priests like Søren (meaning compassionate, not sexy) church attendance would skyrocket.